Discover the One Essential Key to Regain Control of Your Life, and Reclaim Your Capacity to Shine!
My weight right now is NOT ok and I’m starting to feel desperate.
I get stuck in my head for what body size I really want to be, or need to be, or think would truly make me happy, and then because I’m not even sure what weight would ultimately make me happy, I’m also not sure what way of eating I should pursue (what kind of diet, cleanse, etc) to lose any weight!
It sounds dumb, but the bottom line is that I feel paralyzed around trying to lose weight because of my mental run around thinking about how much weight loss I’m supposed to be striving for so it keeps me doing nothing. Weeks go by and I don’t take any actions to change anything.
Cynthia, how do I know what is the right and best body size for me now?
Am I supposed to NOT be thinking that I should be the same weight I was 15 years ago? ( I felt the best then, so wouldn’t that be what I’m striving for now?)
And do I need to know this FIRST to figure out what way of eating I should be following?
— Tara M.
Awesome (multi-part) question, Tara. Thank you for asking what many are thinking!
Let’s start with the part of the question that’s asking how do you know what is the best / happiest / goal weight (body size) for you now?
Does that magic weight number or clothing size have to be what it was many years for you to feel the way you want to feel NOW in your skin?
Although it’s very easy to think that we’ll only be truly happy with our bodies / weight if we could “just get back to” where we were (whenever that elusive “were” was… high school, college, etc) the honest truth is that this thinking is NOT true and in fact, it’s dangerous.
If we let ourselves believe the that correct and happy weight for us NOW – 5, 10, 30 years later – is ONLY what it was then is like saying that only one possibility exists for inner peace now. If that’s true, we’re all screwed.
I say this with practical experience. I work with lots of women in their 40’s and 50’s who are anywhere from 10-60 pounds heavier than they were “back then.”
The reasons for that kind of weight gain is just about everything you can imagine:
— Pregnancy and child birth
— Hormonal shifts with age
— More sedentary lifestyle
— Medications (side effects)
— Living with men who eat a ton
— And the big one – eating behaviors that have formed over the years that simply weren’t there “back then” – like overeating, stress eating and binge eating.
The pursuit of trying to overcome and correct these behaviors to lose weight now, and keep it super low to where it was, is a journey for sure, and can be incredibly stressful. (My mission is certainly to help you have it NOT be stressful!)
So staying stuck on thinking you need to name the “perfect” size / weight BEFORE you pursue the journey of changing your body size is the problem. And it’s especially problematic when that one “perfect” size is solely matched up against what you used to be.
You don’t need to know in advance if dropping 2 or 10 sizes would make you the happiest. Dropping the need for that answer is what frees you up to actually start making the small mental, emotional and action shifts you need to change your body.
1. The most successful journey to permanent weight loss will never involve a diet.
Notice the two components of this answer: “Permanent weight loss” and “Diet.”
The goal is permanent results, not a quick fix. If you want the quick fix to see results fast, then yes go on a diet. (Definition of a Diet: Any eating regimen that is highly structured and very different from your normal way of eating that you strictly follow for the end result of weight loss.) If you want to get the REAL results, the experience of living peacefully and joyfully in a body that has you feeling most like you every single year WITHOUT being in a fight with food to get and stay there, then you have to approach it 100% differently.
2. You will know you’re “there” (happy in your body size) when you stop long enough to understand and experience how living in your body NOW is different, beautiful and worth it.
I’m not trying to convince you that don’t need to drop some poundage to be happy. If you think you do, then you do.
What I AM saying is that you have to gift yourself the glory of experiencing from the inside this beautiful, flowing, feminine incredible powerhouse of a body you have right NOW, at this age, with this level of physical activity, with these hormones, with the wants and desires you have right now, without comparing yourself to whatever those things were years ago.
When you’re HERE, you won’t be THERE! Ha. When you’re living in this present, appreciative and joyful space toward your body now, you will already be in the perfect mind and heart space to know exactly what weight / body size feels like the happiest, most perfect representation of you now. When you’re HERE, you won’t be THERE – stuck on what body size you lived within in the past.
Please let me know what you think of this below!